I know today was hard for you. In fact, the last several days have been hard for you. You’ve been achier than normal and so fuzzy around the edges you’ve wondered if you’ve become rather like a kiwi, a layer of fuzz and a thin skin with ideas like the scattered small seeds inside. You’ve struggled to track conversations and to remember the ingredients you’re looking for moments after you read the list. You’ve been so, so tired that each task seems to require a wellspring of strength and focus that you’re not sure you have. Fibromyalgia is awful thing, and some days the struggle is worse than others. Valentine’s Day was particularly hard for you.
And yet you overcame.
You’ve done almost everything I’ve asked of you this week. I’ve asked you to work, and you’ve found a way to do so. Sure, it may have been in a recliner. (Okay, good chunks of the workday were spent in my comfortable blue recliner—but that’s a different love letter, and this love letter is for you).
You’ve tackled the tasks on my to-do list doggedly in-between the breaks I know you so desperately needed this week. You’ve summoned the stamina to talk with the foster children, make their appointments, discuss issues with caseworkers, attend meetings, and help them to feel special. I’ve pushed you every morning with regular workouts, increasing the weight in our strength training exercises. I can feel your energy most days and your desire to run off down the sidewalk like you used to. You are so strong even with the fibromyalgia and quirky back issues.
But I want you to know, on that awful Valentine’s Day where every single task was a chore you weren’t sure you would manage to finish, where you had the migraine that caused you to cancel tutoring appointments and curl up in your recliner at 6:00 at night (so romantic!), that you still overcame. I’m proud of your fortitude.
I’m grateful of what you do for me every day, especially on your bad days. I haven’t always accepted you as I should have. I haven’t always been as kind to you as I should have. Heck, I’ve been pretty darn angry and disgusted with you. I’m trying to make up for that now. After all, I hope we still have a long time yet to be kind to each other.
I’m sorry this Valentine’s Letter came so late, but I’m sure you understand. After all, you’ve lived it.
The soul inside you